Reflections, Learnings, Aha Moments
These are ideas I like to revisit. Perhaps they will serve you, too.
Iterating Toward Excellence (a.k.a. Gotta Start Somewhere)
The other day, I watched "Good One", a documentary that featured Mike Birbiglia breaking down his process for building his standup specials. Mike's style of comedy is my favorite. I love a storyteller, and I am in awe of how he weaves jokes, tangents, and callbacks throughout a narrative arc. It feels magical to me.
“I need more input. That’s only going to happen if I am out there, being a little messy, trying stuff.”
I want to spend more of my time facilitating and developing teams. Not comedy, but a different kind of performance. Two things I observed that I can't stop thinking about:
First, he is ruthless about cutting stuff out. Funny stuff. Good jokes. If they don't serve the larger arc, they're gone. When I do a workshop, I have this urge to cram it all in, to say and do as much as possible. I want to give folks the biggest bang for their buck! But lessons get muddled. Rushed. There's no room to breathe (sometimes literally, feels like). Even great ideas might not be great ideas for right now.
And second, his editing is part of an ongoing, real-time, iterative process. These shows are crafted on stage. In front of people. Smaller clubs, testing things out, developing an
expert, critical lens for what works, adjusting accordingly, and repeating. I treat my content development like I’m in some top secret lab. I am forever tweaking the material without showing it to anybody. It never feels "ready". And I've created such high stakes for when I do deliver something! I've got the building blocks for great programs, but I need more input. That's only going to happen if I am out there, being a little messy, trying stuff.
In the words of Sam Reich (iykyk), the only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to begin is by beginning. Stay tuned...
Things I’ve Learned from my Kid: On Critical Feedback
This morning, the small human appeared at the top of the stairs ready to head out for the day. I noticed something about his ensemble that I figured he'd want to be made aware of, so I shared it with him. He glared at me, stomped back into his room, closed the door (loudly). He re-emerged having made the change, but refused to talk to me again before he left for the day.
Harsh. I thought I was trying to be helpful? I tell myself he will probably be glad (even if subconsciously) that the FYI came from me instead of some kid he barely knows, when he can't do anything about it. I resist the urge to push him to get over it (mostly).
“No one is obligated to make you feel better after you deliver critical feedback. The feedback is for them, not for you.”
Strong feedback loops are critical to any successful relationship, whether in your personal life, or at work. Same rules apply.
Be timely. Feedback without a plan for what's next is far less valuable.
No one is obligated to make you feel better after you deliver critical feedback. The feedback is for them, not for you. Don't make it about you. Be kind, be direct and own it.
And even though someone may struggle to respond positively in the moment, that doesn't mean they won't take the feedback to heart.
It's easier to process and decide what to do with critical feedback given by someone you have a relationship with, who builds trust by giving positive and constructive feedback and showing they want to help you grow from all of it. Leaders who build this culture with their teams see greater transparency, more honesty, and quicker course-correction. And folks who feel psychologically safe at work are more likely to stick around. That's probably true about kids, too. I'll keep you posted.
Complete the Cycle: Invest in Application of Learning
My husband took up jiu jitsu about six months ago. He's pretty into it, so it comes up…a lot. For example, I was telling him about how the application part of learning is critically important -- that so often folks watch TED Talks, do leadership assessments, or participate in seminars and then go back to work whereupon managers wonder why they don't see growth and employees can't seem to bring the learning to life.
Husband: Makes me think of how in jiu jitsu --
Me: *makes face*
“It’s practicing the execution, and the customizing of the knowledge to you personally that makes it meaningful.”
Husband: Bear with me. It would be like learning from a black belt youtuber. You could watch hundreds of videos, and by the time you're done, you would theoretically be an expert in jiu jitsu. But that learning only becomes real once you get on the mat with a coach who is observing you, adjusting your hips and your legs, giving you feedback on your timing and how your particular body executes the techniques when you try them with a partner. It's practicing the execution, and the customizing of the knowledge to you personally that makes it meaningful.
Me: Ok, that's…exactly my point. Exactly.
Articles, webinars, workshops…they are wonderful first steps for building capacity. And, most learning in the workplace happens through on-the-job experiences*, so if we treat those formal learning opportunities as catalysts for higher quality on-the-job experiences, we can actually multiply the impact of both.
Applying learning requires a plan for follow-up. It requires consistency over time. It might seem like a significant use of resources, but managers and leaders who invest and put these pieces in place will see the results.
*Learning nerd footnote: While the Eichinger-Lombardo model that suggests about 70% of learning happens on the job isn't empirically based, most experts in this space agree that the approximation makes intuitive sense.